Fly-In Fun

Lauren Tjaden

I chewed on the end of my pencil, mulling over the best way to accomplish my assigned task of writing an entertaining and informative piece about aerotowing. It could prove to be a difficult mission for me. I do know a bridle from a carabineer (though barely), and I've towed a fair amount, but anyone asking me for advice would be more foolish than the man who visited Montana in December without a jacket. I'm too inexperienced and unskilled to offer counsel. I thought about harassing Sunny and Chad for suggestions, but then I remembered the classic writer's advice: Write what you know.

I decided I'd do a better job discussing some other subject relevant to hang gliding; one that I understood better. Unfortunately, besides lacking knowledge about aerotowing, I also lack knowledge about various sites. Ditto on flying skills.

I bit off my pencil eraser and spit it on the desk. I had to have knowledge about some subject related to hang gliding. Then it hit me. I know about parties. I know how to have fun. In fact, I'm really good at fun. And Fly-Ins are parties, aren't they? At last, I'd found my subject.

Tracy (of Tom and Tracy) told me she'd been to the Pulpit Fly-In. She said most of the time it's impossible to fly the site itself because of the conditions. Normally, pilots launch at other, more suitable sites, and then meet back at the Pulpit to camp and swap stories. When pressed for details, she explained that folks play guitars and quaff beer around a bonfire. This sounded alright, but I was after more dirt.

When I pumped Steve Padgett for information, he shook his head. "Oh, Hyner brings back bad memories." He closed his eyes and winced. "I remember ugly women. The ugliest women that you've ever seen." He added, "They're not too bad as men."

Christy Huddle disagreed. "C______ was stunning as a woman. Such creamy shoulders. No definition to them. Any girl would be jealous of him, particularly in that green satin gown. The color was perfect for his skin tone."

I felt as confused as Alice must have when she stumbled down the rabbit hole, but after more questioning, their conversation made sense. They were gossiping about the famed Hyner "drag races", which features pilots competing in two categories, heels and flats. These races are judged not only on speed, but on style. For instance, how the pilot struts and holds his bag is of utmost importance. Apparently Danny favors purple sequins. And Fred is stuck competing in the flats division, because he has difficulty finding size thirteen heels.

My mind was already overwhelmed with images of excess body hair and lace when Steve told me the situation usually deteriorated further. "Naked fire jumping" is another preferred midnight game. I personally think that this falls into the category of ten percent more than you want to know, so I'll leave particulars about this event to your imagination.

The fourth of July celebration includes fireworks, and sometimes battle re-enactments. Apparently one year some Canadians made the mistake of camping across from the Hyner group. As the evening progressed, the pilots, overcome with patriotic fervor, began to fire their Roman candles and rockets at the Canadians. The Canadians happily leapt into the battle and fired back. However, no deaths were reported.

Hyner also offers an opportunity to garner landing tips from experts. A panel sits on top of a bus, holding up numbers to show the points awarded for each landing. Pilots can be awarded either a six or a nine (the club is cheap, therefore, the judges only have one number and have to flip it one way or the other to show their preferences).

I was pretty impressed, but Chad Elchin laughed and said the Hyner action was nothing compared to that offered at their Ridgely Airpark by Easton, Maryland, because last year they added water sports to the agenda. He mentioned frog hunting, kite surfing, and even canoeing. However, when pressured, Chad admitted that these sports had been added as a last minute surprise only due to torrential rains. Further, the rain wrecked the bonfire, so the naked fire jump was eliminated (though this could be considered a bonus).

I thought I might have trouble filling a page with Fly-In activities, but it turns out hang glider pilots are truly weird. The list goes on forever. I heard tales about a man who dresses as the Statue Of Liberty, about a game called "spoons" that involves electricity, and even about a woman named Doreen who does a special trick with a flash camera.

So it turns out that Fly-Ins offer loads of adventure, even for those of us who are marginal in the air (or for those that choose not to fly). I can't wait to see you at one of the many upcoming affairs. Unless, of course, you're wearing a silk gown and have hairy, ugly legs.